Poly Meets Kink: Where Do the Lines Actually Exist?

In this episode, PolySoCal brings in an East Coast triad to explore the intersection of polyamory and kink. The conversation dives into whether poly is inherently kinky, how BDSM frameworks influence communication and structure, and where emotional relationships differ from play or connection. Through real experiences, the group breaks down the overlap, the misconceptions, and the realities of building relationships rooted in honesty, power dynamics, and intentional communication. This episode highlights that while poly and kink often intersect, they are not the same, and each relationship defines its own boundaries. 

Alonzo Banx, Noah, Heather, Joshua, Cat, Natalie 

Transcript

PolySoCal Podcast
 Poly Meets Kink: Where Do the Lines Actually Exist?

​[00:00:00] 

Alonzo Banks Welcome back to the Poly SoCal Podcast. I am Azo Banks, and tonight we have a very special couple of guests in the house. Um, we got some east coast coming in here to talk to us, so going from from west to east. Um, but before we get going too far, let's do the round and see who's all on the table tonight.

Uh, hi everybody.

Heather :Hi.

Alonzo Banks Okay, so we got three new guests on from, from the East coast tonight, and I'm gonna say the best for last. Let's hit up our people first and go around Heather, say hi. Tell everyone who you are.

Heather :hi everyone. I'm Heather. I'm 37. I am married to Beeb. I am in a poly Q, but we call it the quantum entanglement because John's a romantic. I am dating John and I'm newly engaged to Patty, and [00:01:00] yeah, we're all dating each other.

Alonzo Banks All right. So Noah, we have you tonight, but we we're, we're missing the pastries.

Noah :Yeah. Yeah. I'm Noah and I am, uh, partnered with, uh, cookie and Cupcake, otherwise known as the pastries around here. And, uh, yeah, we've been in a relationship for a few years altogether, and it's feeling real good.

Alonzo Banks Welcome. Okay. Now to our, our East Coast contingent for the night. Um, we're gonna kind of do this Joshua Cat and Natalie. Correct. Joshua, say hello. Tell us about you,

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Hi. Uh, hi everyone. Uh, thank you for having us on the podcast. Uh, I'm 47 in New York City. Um, I've been in the BDSM and Leather Lifestyle for. Well over 15 years and the poly triad that we're in, we have a structure through BDSM and leather a foundation.

Alonzo Banks Bruce. Well welcome. Thrilled to have you on tonight, Kat.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :My name's Kat and I 2:00 AM 26, [00:02:00] uh, here in New York State. Um, and uh, I have been in the kink. Uh, ENM lifestyle for 30 plus years. Um, I've been in this particular poly q uh, for eight and three years respectively, in terms of how long we've all been together um, and I'm really happy to be here.

Alonzo Banks I'm thrilled to have you, Kat. We're the one we connected. We connected through one of the websites and you're the reason you guys are on tonight. Thanks for making that connection, Natalie.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Hi, uh, my name is Natalie. I, I'm 25. I, this is like running joke. He's, uh, I have been Holly since I met, uh, my partner Kat and my master Joshua. Uh, and the first relationship that I stepped into was, uh, a poly. Cool. So all of my [00:03:00] information about adult relationships comes from. two who I'm in a relationship with and other people who we are in a relationship to together.

Alonzo Banks Well, thank you for being on tonight. So, yeah, as we all know, I'm, I'm 26 too, so, yeah, I've, I've, I've only been at this for a, a little while. So the big question tonight really was that point where, um, Polly meets with kink. Um, you know, one of the things that we all face when we're talking to people outside the poly community is everyone is convinced that if you're probably your kink, um, and where does that line draw?

So I wanna throw that out tonight and have an open conversation about. Is Kink Polly. Is Polly Kink. And how do they work with each other? Anyone wanna jump on that for me?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :For me, I think it's the beauties in the eyes of the beholder. [00:04:00] Kind of a question, right? Uh, depending on how you come into this lifestyle, depending on how you come and, and I'll use the term lifestyle to include all of it, right? Whether it's the non-monogamy piece or the kink piece. I think a lot of it depends on what your perception is of it.

What, what your desire is, what you want it to be for you. Um. I think it can be. I think Polly can be kinky and kinky can be poly and, and, but it doesn't have to be. So I, I think it's a, a dial your own sort of a definition. Hmm.

Noah :Yeah, I. I, I agree. Yeah, I agree with that. I, I feel like, uh, Polly and kink and, uh, these, I don't know, quote unquote lifestyles, whatever you want to call this, right? Um, there's a Venn diagram. But there's people [00:05:00] outside of the center who are a part of this, but not necessarily a part of everything. And you know, just like when you go have dinner with friends, there's some goodie who doesn't like onions and other person who doesn't like asparagus, right? Um, somebody who doesn't want steak and orders linguini instead, but you're all sharing a meal together and enjoying a space together, um, and have a lot in common. Right. Um, I think that there's a, um, lot of overlap. If you're in the kink community, there's probably a lot of poly folks, but there are certainly a ton of monogamous people who are just as kinky, if not more so than everybody else, um, but are purely monogamous and, you know, uh, they're just as accepted as everybody else.

Alonzo Banks So do you have to be kinky to be poly? And I know that's gonna be a perspective question. I mean, if, if we ask someone down in the Bible belt, it being Polly was kinky, the answer is gonna be, oh hell yes. You know, we're all a little [00:06:00] skewed. We're all in the alternative communities. So for us it's different.

Is it is Polly Kink

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :yeah, I, I was gonna piggy, I was, you beat me to it. Uh, talk about the, uh, the threshold for, define the definition of kink, right? If it's anything beyond missionary and maybe doggy style, right? It's like that's a very low threshold for defining what kinky means and to be in something non-traditional, which is the one plus one.

And, and. In some areas just the man and the woman. In other areas it's a couple, right? if that's a threshold, which I think is low, then anything above that is would be kinky. And kink is a big umbrella. It covers a lot of shit. It's like, I personally believe everyone's got something right? It's just, do I feel safe enough to do it or share it? And that's how, uh, I think in the previous question, uh, that's how they relate to me is [00:07:00] BDSM taught me. The structure and, and the importance of integrity because I was not, I was a cheater before I met Kat. And, uh, I was in a gray area in the re relationship before because the situation was fine. Go do whatever you want. And we all know, right? That that's not what that means. It's like a conversation needs to be had. And I didn't have it. I used ethics to circumvent the morals in that situation. uh. That's how, that's how I relate kink to BD, um, poly to BDSM is how I learned how to communicate and what became very significantly important for me as a priority in relationships, in communication, in setting the example of what I would like in return from my partners.

And it's like, be a dick, don't lie, don't cheat, don't steal, you know, just be. Just tell the truth. And that's way easier said [00:08:00] than done. Right. Because it's not like I'm straight up lying, right? Like I didn't drink the milk, but it was like, uh, omission of information, right? Managing emotions, things, things of that nature, which, uh, which also constitute is not truth to me, right? my journey through BDSM is what, helped me develop and practice. And that's why it's so important, uh, in our framework. And I, and I think kink and BDSM often get confused. Uh, I think alternative relationships fall underneath the kink category. I don't necessarily think that you need to practicing BDSM and be poly at the same time.

Like they're not interconnected, uh, whatsoever. It's a very small subsection, uh, niche aspect of kink. It's our framework for how we move through poly, or how I move through poly, uh, based off of the, the characteristics of [00:09:00] being a leather person, honesty, loyalty, transparency, uh, and that's where our building blocks come from in order to be able to do this intentionally. But I don't necessarily think that BDSM and Polly are interconnected, but kink Yes, I think, I think yes, absolutely.

Yeah, I, I would agree with that, that the, the assessment that says that, you know, through the, through the very strict monogamous type lens, looks kinky, but really from the, the wider view of what kink and BDSM are. Polly's not really kinky. It's relationships. It's, it's it's relationship structures love.

It's emotion support. Yeah. That's, yeah. Less to do with your kinks and fetishes and your BDSM and all that sort of stuff, and, and much more to do with and who you love and, and the structure of your relationships for myself is, is do, does your presence make me recon or have to [00:10:00] consider you in my life decisions. Other than that we're just dating. It's like, our relationships makes, makes me think about a life choice and you come into account of that for me, we're not poly. We're dating or we're play partners or, and that's the difference for me is, is, is a lot of words have been overshadowed with poly polyamory it's like, it's, it's really not that broad. Open relationship isn't poly. It's like you have certain permissions and negotiations that give you access, but that doesn't mean this person you're connecting with is an emotional part of you is isn't a life change. Like, so for myself, I've had to define it because there's just been so much nuance out there and it's like, I need to know where your value system is lying. Is is in not lying as in not telling the truth, but where, where it sits presently. to know where that's lying, where that shits presently. I guess I could say that. Right. [00:11:00] Uh, in order for me to understand how is this gonna work or not. Hmm. Thank you for that question. It's got my brain running.

Yeah, uh, in my, my last relationship, one of the ways that, one of the phrases that got used to determine that difference, right, is he used to say to me, if this, I enjoy this person's company, and this, this goes to the whole swinger mentality too, right? But if that person left my life tomorrow, it would make no material difference.

And wasn't a bad way. It was simply to say, your life is not entwined with mine. We're not emotionally, we, we enjoy company. We enjoy sex, we enjoy like you do in the swinger world. Right? And that's not the same as being in a relationship with. And, and that, and when that crosses over that line of like, now, you being gone from my life would make a material difference.

Like you matter to me in that way, in my life. In that way, are we in the realm of. a relationship that would be considered to me more poly. If I can just throw this in here real [00:12:00] quick. Kat has hosted BDSM and swing events for men. How long, how many years? 15 years. 15 years. I've done it for about just under, under the, um, same amount of time. So we've also gotten a lot of exposure and we've seen the, the change in culture over time. Uh, so it's not just our experience, but also the space that we've held for people and the conversations we've had. Uh. That it's definitely helped me def that's why I, I guess I've had to define mine so clearly for me, because of these conversations that we're having with people, it's like, uh, like they were both just saying about the, um, it's changed and what it means.

So it's, I just wanted to throw that in there for some context, just for how much exposure, uh, that cat has gotten over the years.

Alonzo Banks Yeah, there's no question. Those of us who've been in the, in this world for a while have seen many, many, many changes. Noah, I wanted to get back to you

Noah :no. Yeah, it's fine. I, I actually, um, Joshua, um, hit on exactly, um, [00:13:00] what I was thinking and I wanted to actually push a little bit, uh, back on, uh, the whole group there, um, and kind of ask. How do you define your own relationship? Right. Um, a would you consider yourself Pauly B? Um, obviously it's BDSM. We've already heard, you know, Natalie, talk about how you're her master, right?

There's, um, what does that mean in your relationship? How do you navigate the difference between the loving portion and the more b DSMs side of things? Could you kind of go into detail on that?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Yeah. Can I, can I go? Yeah, just go ahead. I'll go after. Uh, I know because I think about this shit a lot. I is, um, so Kat and I met first. Kat is to me, she's mama bear. She is the brain. She is my rock. She is the leader of She Leads. She's in charge. She's in charge. She, she's in charge. Natalie, we met three years ago, roughly three years ago at an [00:14:00] event we were hosting, and Natalie and I connected. With the i, the conversation very summarized was, you are looking for a master. I'm looking for a slave. Let's talk. And we sat and we spoke and we spoke about our intentions and where we're coming from and our history. And she was very open with me and I was very open with her. And we were like, let's give this a shot. And uh, three years later we're, we're all together. Now, um, when it comes to equality. Like this 24 7 doesn't exist. I, I, as a professional. No, I'm give master. Joshua said that should, it's too hard to maintain or you have control issues or insecurity issues where you need to do this. And it's like, anyway, that's a whole different rabbit hole. Whoever is the strongest at whatever we're doing is the lead. I'm only good at swinging Flos. They cook better than me. They do money, they do everything else better than me. they need everything. [00:15:00] Whatever they need, I support all, all kidding aside, the three of us have goals. The three of us have dreams, and then we all have an intention together. role is to support her and her dreams and her dreams and their role is to support me and mine and collectively we're moving our, our together as the kink collective that's the big picture is how do we get people into power through finding their voice. And our lens that people come through is their, their curiosity and kink. So we help people reframe their relationship with sexuality and, and help them discover their relationship with power so that they know how they're showing up in relationships and knowing that, I can ask for this and this is why I can ask for this. This is who I am in relation. So all that to come back to us, we have to practice it, right?

We have to embody what we're out here teaching. So. Master, meaning I've got 22 [00:16:00] years on her. I couldn't be for her at 27 who I am at 47 and understanding her goals and every, like, hearing what she's been through and, and, and knowing that I can create space for her to excel. That's what I wanna do and the return is support me in my dreams. Uh, with that comes the maturity and sometimes it's like, listen, I, when I was 25, I wish I had somebody to fucking correct me because I did a lot of crazy shit, but we negotiated all of it, right? Is this okay? And she can come to the table anytime and say, I'm not okay with this. Then it's like, well, let's revisit it.

We just did that two days ago because I don't, I'm not looking to manage anyone's life. have time. I got my own life to manage. Fucking life is crazy. And has her life to manage because I'm not trying to take it over her car. you drive your car, I'll drive my car because we're adults doing adult things. [00:17:00] the conversations because of that are very clear, very direct, not easy. 'cause they're scary. It's like, oh, we have to talk about conflict. Oh, I hate that shit. Uh, it's like when a person says We need to talk at three o'clock, and it's like 10 30. Like the worst, like, I'm screwed. So our, my intention with, with both Natalie and Kat, because Kat's been with me from the person who I was before, to the person I'm today. here there is no power point. It's like we, we are in service to each other and, uh. It is crazy. There's no power exchange and there's power exchange all over the place. It's not negotiated, but there's power exchange. She's the boss. Yeah. But we're, we're, we're like power conscious. Holly, if you wanna, if you wanna I like that.

Put a label. Put a label it conscious Holly. I like that. Um, but we ultimately, we occupy [00:18:00] various roles, some of which are negotiating power and some of which are not. and again, 24 7 isn't real. From someone who is supposedly living at 24 7. Our, our renegotiation the other day was, how can it be more real? Our roles in master slave, meaning that because I work collar 24 7 and doesn't, doesn't get removed. There are, there are moments in times where I need to be myself and he needs to be himself, and we don't need to be in any roles, but. Sometimes that gets altered and confused when we're with each other 24 7 and we're living in the same space.

Right? So how, when do I know when to be on it and when does he know when he doesn't need to be on it? And vice versa. Uh, is, is is difficult to navigate and it can become confusing when I'm in one role, he is in another and. You know, exhaustion takes place. But, but otherwise, uh, between me and Kat, uh, she's in charge.

Of course, I'll say it again. [00:19:00] And we don't really have any like stable label or, or role identifier to, to about us other than that we're us. Yeah. And that there's a differential in power because of time and experience. Uh, but ultimately we still bend to when the person who knows the most in the scenario knows the most and is in charge. from the outside they have like a, a mentor mentee type of relationship. Mm-hmm. Uh, where whenever Natalie's going through something that I can't support, or more often than not, it's because of me. Cat. They sit together and they talk and they, and they process together. It's fucking crazy how, how much work goes into not just the work, but the effort and the intention goes into getting shit realigned so that don't have to carry the bag than a day or two. [00:20:00] It's like we, there's so much, there's so much momentum and, and, um. Uh, ease when everything's on the fucking table and we're able to, to have deep diving conversations and, and, uh, repairing conversations whenever there's a rupture. It's like, it's hard for me to believe that, that I'm able to do this because old me, that's not, that's not what I was about.

So it's like, it's really kind of, of, uh. Kind of crazy and unimaginable to have a poly relationship where I told Kat something years ago that my dream is that I can be in bed with one of my partners when she gets home no one have to jump because all of my relationships in the past we're built on something with a mask on, and it was like this was the first time to feel, to have it come to fruition.

And it's like, dude, it's crazy. [00:21:00] Like I don't wish Polyon on my worst enemy. Because there's so much work that goes into it,

Alonzo Banks we, we talk all the time about how the key, the key to poly is communication. And if, if you're not really good at it, when you come in, you get good at it or you don't end up staying poly. But let me dig a little deeper into your relationship and then I wanna go to some of the other, um, are you guys a closed relationship or do you date people outside of your group?

'cause again, another definition of poly is how big is your circle?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Say more about that. What do you mean about, it's like permission. Do you guys have permission to date? Do you date? No.

Alonzo Banks Do you date other people outside of your circle?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :But what

Alonzo Banks Outside of your poly Q?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :but what is the definition that you just referred to?

Alonzo Banks Well, one of the things about being poly is that we're dating multiple people. So is it you are in a closed relationship with, is the three of you, or do you date outside of that [00:22:00] relationship?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :We, we certainly have permission to date outside. It's not closed in that regard at the moment. There's, there are other people at the moment. Um. I would, I would say that yeah, permission is there for everyone to be able to go out and connect and build relationships. I think at some point we've, we've spoken about it being like a closed, open relationship, right? Like not necessarily Extraordinarily deep into developing a committed relationship with another person, uh, but having space and making space open for the possibility of having, um, regular play partners.

Regular play partners. Yeah.

Alonzo Banks Noah and your guys in your, in your fuel.[00:23:00] 

Noah :Yeah. So, um, at the moment, for the most part, we are closed. That being the case Cupcake is married. And so she has kind of like an extended poly cool that, um, cookie and I aren't, uh, necessarily a part of, but we're, it's like kitchen table Polly in a lot of ways there, right? but uh, her. husband also has, um, a partner that he's dating, um, that isn't necessarily dating cupcake, although there's play that happens on occasion. Um, and so there's there, but you know, um, she was just at the, um, a festival. Uh, over the weekend and, and texting me about how she just met some tall drink of water that she's eager to talk to. Some six foot eight dom that she's all excited about, And I said, great. Did you get his number? No. But husband's girlfriend did got it for her.

So, so, you know, uh, it, it, it's, uh, we're open, but [00:24:00] here's, uh, where we draw the line. Um, in our relationship, if there is going to be, um, uh, basically moving beyond flirting, right? If it's gonna become playful or sexual or whatever, uh, then we must talk first. I don't necessarily have to meet the person or whatever, but I need to get a vibe.

I need to understand who this person is, what's going on. What's the situation? You know, are you drunk tonight and that's why you're excited and maybe you don't have all your faculties or what have you. Right? It's more of a protection, situation. and it's, it, they asked for permission and I can grant it or deny it. Um, but if I'm being honest, I wouldn't deny it unless I thought there was a real concern. If there was a real problem,

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :if I can piggyback on that. Yeah, it's the same. Like I, I'm not in objection to, I just need to meet the person and make sure they're not gonna be destructive because you can break the integrity of the space just, and that's not, that's not worth the risk. It's like, and, and there's veto [00:25:00] power. Like if there were ever someone I met where they met, like tell me and. We can sit and you can tell me why and, and it's not a judgment thing, it's, it's a perception thing that you may see that I don't, I mean, 'cause we've got a lot invested into each other, the safety in our lives. It's like you can tell me because you are my priority, right?

Noah :That's the key.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :I.

Noah :I'm sorry to interrupt, but that for me, and you've mentioned this a couple times, Joshua, you've talked about how having everything out there makes things easier and I couldn't agree more, at least in my personal experience, when you have essentially radical honesty all the time, Be so much easier to work through things to understand your partners. 'cause you know where they're coming from, why they're coming, uh, from where they're coming from and, um, what their motivations are. Right? Like, uh, there's, there's no sneaking around, there's no fear of, [00:26:00] um, uh, reprisal or, uh, rejection or right when, when you're, when you're able to just be radically honest with each other. Um. In my opinion, it's made everything so much better. It, it is an easier relationship than when I was monogamous so long.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :It makes it so worth it. It's like all the risk, all the fear, all the ah, all the moments. You have to hold your breath before asking the question. But then when it's done, it's done. And it's like, Kat saved my life. Because in all the other relationships, everyone thought they wanted Joshua, but when they saw who I was in relationship, it is like they became and they wanted to keep, and it was like, but that's. Yeah. No, when, when we, when we met, I knew who I, I knew who I was meeting. I mean, and, and it, it wasn't like I was monogamous until I met you. so this was, this was a life I had embraced before our relationship. I, I, I said to you, and I meant it, that, that what I needed was that radical [00:27:00] honesty. I needed truth and I needed, I needed, I needed transparency. I do come from a long line of cheaters, right? And I have a radar that says like, if, if. If two people have had sex, and I'm in a room of a hundred pe I can tell you who's had sex with who. It's, there's just like something that people start giving off they've been sexual. I don't know, just it, it comes from being hype, a hypervigilant child in a traumatic life around that sort of thing. what it didn't, it didn't. wasn't an issue for me that you were to be with other people. The issue was that I were to know about it. I just needed the information. I just needed the truth about it. And as long as I could be given that information and it didn't have to be an issue, I was okay with it.

And it took you a long time to get comfortable with that, because that's not how it had been presented to you in the past by other people. And so it, it gave us an opportunity to work through the, the tender challenging parts of Navigating Poly, right? Which is, can I show up and tell you, oh yeah, I slept with [00:28:00] so and so, or we, we, we've been sexual, or I want to, or whatever it is.

Like stuff that we just all consider hard to talk about and then to just get comfortable talking about that stuff or get used to it, if not comfortable, but you know, used to it enough where we're being open and honest and transparent with each other. And, then it, evolved to the place where it really is.

Okay.

Alonzo Banks Let me throw this out to the QE guys. How do you deal with it?

Heather :The swinging part is really easy, honestly,

Uh, so we all are, we're open. So Patty has a partner and I have a partner. Um, and we don't, um, when someone's interested in adding a partner, partner for our group has to work for the whole group. So if the person we're adding in isn't, okay with the entire group, then it's gonna probably be a no, um, swinging aspect.

Um. [00:29:00] We all play, all mostly play at club, the local club we go to, and that's pretty much a free for all, have a good time within reason. Um, I don't experience a heck of a lot of jealousy when it comes to swinging. I think that my struggle bus is if like Patty or John wanted to go out one-on-one with somebody, then I'm gonna need to know the person. I'm gonna need to respect the person and, and find them respectful, not only to my person, but to me also. So when I, when those things are aligning, it makes it a lot easier.

Alonzo Banks But I'm gonna make this, um, east Coast to West Coast. What, what questions do you guys have for each other? We got a rare opportunity to have by coastal conversations tonight. Any [00:30:00] questions for each other? Kat? You got a big smile on your face there.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :I just, I, I just love the way that you're pitching. I, I'm just marveling at, at time energy and bandwidth that, that's required to, for all of these relationships. Right. Like, know, thinking about, I, I feel like us just being the three of us, we're, we're in, we have this little. a little poly. It's just the three of us, even though, you know, there are, there are other people, but we are by choice the three of us. I don't know that I, I have the time, energy, or bandwidth. I, I have this fantasy that, that there's, that there's a girlfriend out there somewhere in the world. For me, it's like, it's my running joke with the universe, um, I've never been able to materialize. I've never been good at it. And uh, relationships.

The of the relationships I've ever been in are the ones that have just found me. And, um, but with everything that life has to do, it's, no time [00:31:00] for all.

Alonzo Banks The, the older I get, the, the less ability I have to, to really be involved with that many.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :it's a lot. And we're also, they've been in professional domination for. Over a decade and myself have been exploring that for about two years now. And there's also professional relationships with clients that have very similar intimacy, uh, that even take up even more energy than I can even sometimes interpret for myself.

So in addition to, you know, friendships and whatnot, you know, I am not closed off to the possibilities of, of anything becoming deeper than it is currently. But at the same time. It's already a lot to withstand and to navigate in addition to the relationship with myself, right? The most important one because like for myself, as everyone's sharing it makes me think of the intention behind the addition. One, I do a lot of counseling and [00:32:00] I sit with people and they talk about my partner doesn't fulfill this, so I need to find it somewhere else. And I don't wanna do that without exhausting all means here and My needs aren't, aren't that important, that I have to sacrifice the integrity of what we're doing. And exhausting all means before, like we have people we play with, we have people that we play with regularly and it's cool, but managing that, that shit, because the emotions behind it is like I still have to, like, I don't even have time to feel my own fucking emotions because so busy in relationship and it's like. need a breath. Very re in the last few months I've been sitting with where am I putting my energy into? What relationships, what intentions? 'cause I had, I had a slave that would just come over and we'd just have sex. That was the whole purpose of the relationship. A couple actually like that. Where at, at, at, I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack.

I'm like, [00:33:00] don't. I could be doing something more productive with this time. And I never thought I would ever fucking say that. Right. 20-year-old me would be fucking fuming. Like,

Alonzo Banks That's, yeah.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :but uh, it's like true. It's like I enjoy the intimacy. Cool. Nice. That's fun. But it's a byproduct of the relationships. And sometimes I'd rather go do a fucking museum. Something where I could turn my mind off where I don't have to lead or I don't have to talk, or I don't have to host, or I don't have to do this, and that is like, I just wanna shut my shit off too, that my in charge.

Alonzo Banks We, we have a couple of episodes that are specifically about those changes as we get older heather, what are your thoughts?

Heather :My girlfriend, um, and my sub that I have, I'm a pleasure top. Um, both play with the qe. I think everyone's had sex with my girlfriend, so that does, I think that does make it a [00:34:00] little easier, um, that she's included and they're included. Uh, yeah, but I can't imagine, uh, adding anyone else on a poly level, uh, to what I have going on. I, my, I have, my priorities are in other places. So if I get to spend one-on-one time with someone outside of my. Current commitments. It's just for fun and to relax and have a good time. I'm very much like Joshua, like I'm kind of over having the one-on-one sexy time at home, like going out and doing something and getting to know someone on a level outside of sex is kind of nice.

Alonzo Banks Yeah, Kat, go ahead.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :What that reminds me of is, is also there's a difference for me in terms of my needs, for alone time, um, versus like the whole like, uh, introvert extrovert [00:35:00] spectrum, right? Um, these guys are more extroverted than I am and have greater needs for connection and being with people more of the time. And I have a greater internal need for downtime, for alone time, for recharge time.

I'm more of an in an introvert to that degree, right? So sometimes it's good for me that people can go out and do other things and then I get to have that downtime. I get the FOMO piece 'cause I get the fomo anyway, but. The truth is, is what's best for my psyche is for me to have a little bit more downtime, for me to, you know, be able to keep all the other balls that I have up in the air. She's an extrovert, so she's not, and then she's an introvert and then she's an introvert for like fucking four days crying. She's not running down like she's dropping big time. So that's why we're actually, that's why we're really poly is 'cause when they're both down, it's like, what do I do? No, I'm [00:36:00] kidding.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's how I feel about taking care of you sometimes. Sometimes taking care of you is a lot. And now I have Natalie to help me and sometimes after sex a times a day, I do want him to fuck someone else. Ah,

Alonzo Banks So as we're coming to the end of our time, folks there anything that we didn't cover tonight that we should have? Anyone have any thoughts?

Kat, go ahead.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :feel like we just scratched the surface

Alonzo Banks Oh, always.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :a conversation, so,

Alonzo Banks Well, well, good. That means we can get you back again, right?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Yeah, you,

Heather :That would be.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :this is great. Yeah. There, there's just so many, there's so many layers to it. Right, because I'd, I'd ask you guys questions, right? Like around, I'm not gonna go down the rabbit hole, come back. We'll have that conversation.

I'll come back with questions for you guys.

Alonzo Banks I'm gonna, I'm gonna hold you to that,

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :please.

Alonzo Banks won't you?

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Yeah.

Noah :Please

Alonzo Banks keep in mind, we have about 20 people on this podcast and it [00:37:00] rotates so when you come back on, it may very well be different people,

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Cool. Awesome.

Alonzo Banks so.

Noah :gonna be there.

Alonzo Banks Yeah, they're fighting for the number one spot has been on.

Noah :even close anymore.

Heather :Yeah, I we might be same. Same now.

Alonzo Banks I don't know. I haven't done the numbers in a couple weeks. Eddie's been an absolute honor to have you guys on tonight.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :you. Thank you.

Alonzo Banks Joshua Cat, Natalie. Thank you.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Be here. It's been a real pleasure. Thank you guys so much. Thank you.

Alonzo Banks Again, it's been another week, the Poly SoCal Podcast. It's been awesome. We do have the party coming up here in a couple weeks, so everyone who's thinking about joining us for that, make sure you get ahold of me. Good night, everybody.

Noah :Good night.

Joshua, Cat, Natalie  :Good.